I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
