I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
