I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
