why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
