i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
