Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
