theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize