He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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