we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
3pm strippers are depressing
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
