ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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