Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
