i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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