I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
