Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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