I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
