I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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