so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
