this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
