I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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