I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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