good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
