i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
