If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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