Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
