you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
