Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
