I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
