I faked an abortion last night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
