You can't special order awesome
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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