just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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