we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i've created a new STD.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
