cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
