i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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