I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
