what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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