I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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