im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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