I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
