Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
