sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
