you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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