the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
