nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
