you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
