I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
