I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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