your parents love me but you hate me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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