I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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