Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
