You smell like stripper and shame
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
last night I used snow as a chaser
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
