Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
