They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
