At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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