After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
