i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is there bacon in the couch?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize