I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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