I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
