Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
