It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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