whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
