Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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