her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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