Tell her she can't have a vagina
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
