I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
