Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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