obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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