Pappa wants mamma naked
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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