normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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