Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
