It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
