im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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