just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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