Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"