I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash