She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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