You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.