I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life