am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
