I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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