Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He better not be in your backpack
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
