Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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