; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
