dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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