Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
