Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize