just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
